The last time I wrote a year in review was in 2019. I ended it with “have a healthy 2020” and we all know how that went. Since it does feel like we’ve been living in hell since 2020 I somehow stopped writing yearly reviews. But I have been itching to capture more of my life and I did have an okay 2025 so here it is.
The struggle is, I am a glass half empty person. I’d hate to sound like I am always moaning and complaining but with the current state of the world, I just can’t justify, nor do I feel content, excited or feel allowed to feel joy. It’s disheartening to feel this hopeless. I don’t want to gaslight myself but I can’t drown myself either. I’m struggling to find a balance.
No sleep
Note: the following section will describe a medical emergency involving a child
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In December 2024, I did my usual routine before going to bed by checking my daughter in her bed. It wasn’t late but I found her covered in sick on her side and not responding. The worst seconds of my life, I immediately assumed she had passed. My husband dialed 999 and the 17 minutes for their arrival were the longest 17 minutes of my life. During those 17 minutes she started to have a seizure that started by moving some of her limbs uncontrollably.
I am deeply ashamed of how I reacted because I panicked. I started to pack bags of clothes to take to the hospital while wailing and my husband was following the instructions from the 999 operator. I remember thinking “I’m not going to survive this”. The paramedics gave her an injection to slow down her body and get her out of the seizure state. But, by coincidence, she also had a possible rare complication with it which involved CPR.
Eventually, she was stable enough to be moved to the hospital and recovered. I don’t remember much. I mostly avoided remembering that night. I remember asking the doctor “what would have happened if I didn’t go to her room?” and the doctor replied “let’s not think about that”.
Coming home was hard. I much prefer a hospital setting where everything is being monitored. At this point we didn’t have a diagnosis of what happened yet but we had to stay alert. We moved the baby monitor to be as close to her as possible and I started to sleep with it next to my ear as loud as possible. I don’t know what I was hoping to hear to alert me. But I just struggled to sleep. In the follow-up appointments, the doctors expressed concern with my lack of sleep. How could I sleep?
After tests she was diagnosed with SeLEAS. Over two-thirds of seizures in SeLEAS begin during sleep.
This was the year I was the most physically and mentally exhausted outside the newborn phase. I didn’t tell a lot of people this happened as I just wanted to push through.
TLDR: I haven’t slept properly in over a year because I’ve kept trying to monitor my child’s sleep as they’ve been diagnosed with a type of epilepsy that mostly occurs in their sleep.
I spoke at conferences!
Thankfully I wrote about this already! But yes, I did go around and speak about refactoring and modernising CSS! Which was great yet very emotional for me. Sleeping abroad wasn’t easy and I constantly checked my phone and cameras to check on my daughter.
As if I wasn’t tired enough, I also got a few more side quests and I did two IndieWeb adjacent talks. A shorter version for MKGN and a longer version for LoopConf. Both about using your personal website as a personal online third space.
I think they landed well with people and even some blog posts came out of it which is the absolute dream!
I did enjoy doing these talks and every day I think of things to add to it. This is a topic I can speak from the heart and without slides. I don’t have any speaking plans and I am not planning on writing anything brand new for some time so if this topic is something you’re keen on hearing let me know.
Things I would like to do in 2026
I am attending a few lovely conferences and I have one engagement planned for the year too. But I would like to focus more on writing here, guest writing and playing with video format. Not necessarily to become a “content creator” (ergh) but because the advice to encourage blogging also applies to video content. I do have a degree in video and multimedia and I would like to put it to use.
A new home
If you’ve seen my CSS talk, you know this already. But yes, in late January we’ve moved into a new home and I’ve been the project manager, interior decorator and DIYer (where possible) of the whole place. I love doing things with my bare hands and being away from screens. And to be frank, space and time to not worry about the first topic of this blog post.
This year I am planning to get the bathroom re-done and the patio. I will leave the bathroom with the professionals though.
Still a fan
I always find it so funny when people who have known me for many years comment “you still like The Rasmus??” as if they would ask a man how come they still support the same football team they have since they were a child. Anyway, the band did a tour this year and I was able to go to the meet and greets and in it I explained how they were the inspiration for my karaoke talk that I did in 2022 and 2023. I asked them to sign the lanyard for All Day Hey! where my name shows (evidence!!) and it still had plenty of room for signatures. I didn’t cry but I was so overwhelmed and spoke too fast like a proper dork. It’s so much easier to speak to a crowd of hundreds of strangers!
This was such a highlight for me as I was able to hang out with one of my oldest friends and make new ones.
Miscellaneous notes
I didn’t take enough leave this year and guess what? I felt like absolute shit towards the end of the year. That’s a mistake I won’t make in 2026 and I started my year by planning and booking some leave already.
I was gifted a zookeeper for a day experience and I loved it so much! I fed a rhino, giraffe and elephants (and more but these were the big boys)! Who can say that? (I also cleaned their poop)
I went to the gym at least once a week in 2025 and I know I moan a bit about my goals to the people close to me but I’m actually happy to have settled into a routine. My girl is quite a tall girl for her age and my goal in life is to be able to pick her up and be healthy and fit to be here for her. On the same topic I need to reduce my TikTok and Instagram usage as it is severely damaging how I view myself too.
I tried art classes, more crafts and even visits to museums and this is something I am planning to carry on and increase in 2026. I need to be even more away from screens however I want to find a balance to still engage with people and communities I care about.
For 2026 I just want to be happy, more grateful, content and safe. And I wish that to you too.